With the coming of the eclipse this afternoon, as a registered dietitian I can't help but ponder the dietary preferences of the discerning conspiracy theorist facing Armageddon. In a world where every corner hides a covert agenda and every bite is a statement against the establishment, the choice of sustenance becomes a matter of utmost significance. Join me on a tongue-in-cheek culinary exploration of the fare that would grace my table if I thought we were facing impending doom in the immediate future.
Reminder- this is just for fun! And don't forget your solar glasses if you'll be watching the eclipse 🙂
I'd Definitely Need Bread
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Though much maligned by the low carb crowd, a fluffy loaf of crusty homemade bread spread with softened butter would be my top pick for food to eat if I thought the world was going to end. Better get started on this one right away if you're a tin foil hat wearer- it requires a 3 hour rise time.
Get the recipe: Air Fryer Bread
Pasta is a Must
In a carb-loaded twist of fate, pasta has become the symbol of resistance against the tangled web of deceit. Since calories definitely don't count in this scenario, I'd have a giant portion served up with a creamy sauce and all the expensive gourmet mushrooms.
Get the recipe: High Calorie Pasta for Weight Gain
So Much Sugary Cereal
Breakfast of champions and truth-seekers alike, sugary cereal offers a burst of energy to fuel marathon sessions of decoding cryptic messages hidden within the morning news broadcasts. Some dietary extremists make it sound like consuming a sugar-laden breakfast from a box will lead to sudden death. I wonder how they'd feel about the additions of marshmallows and butter in these cereal bars?
Get the recipe: Fruity Pebbles Cereal Bars
Stuff Dipped in Chocolate
A decadent indulgence or a clandestine communication tool? Conspiracy theorists opt for the darkest of chocolates, relishing in its bitter undertones as a metaphor for the bitterness of uncovering hidden truths. As for me, I'd want the sweetness of white and milk chocolate enveloping juicy pineapple pieces.
Get the recipe: Chocolate Covered Pineapple
Cookie Butter
Cookie butter is the sweet, sticky glue that binds together the fragments of truth scattered across the information landscape. If you're short on time, it can be consumed straight from the jar. Otherwise, I highly recommend making this cookie butter cookie recipe.
Get the recipe: Biscoff Cookie Recipe
Juicy Steak
Medium-rare and seasoned with skepticism, steak serves as the cornerstone of every good conspiracy theorist's diet. Each juicy bite is a defiant rebuttal to the notion that warnings about high saturated fat consumption are merely a distraction from the impending apocalypse.
Get the recipe: Air Fryer Bone In Ribeye Steak
Pie
Pie embodies the circular nature of conspiracy theories-never-ending, yet strangely satisfying. It's also the same shape as the upcoming eclipse- is that purely a coincidence? Whether filled with fruit or secrets, each slice of pie is a testament to the insatiable hunger for knowledge.
Get the recipe: Air Fryer Cherry Pie
Pizza
A triangular slice of rebellion, pizza transcends cultural boundaries to unite conspiracy theorists in their quest for truth. Topped with a meaty sauce and copious amounts of cheese, each slice becomes a canvas upon which to decode hidden messages and uncover deeper meanings.
Get the recipe: Pizza Bolognese
Don't Forget the Bacon
Crispy, salty, and shrouded in nutritional controversy, bacon occupies a hallowed place in the pantheon of conspiracy cuisine. Whether viewed as a symbol of rebellion against dietary norms or a metaphor for the smoky haze of misinformation, each strip of bacon is a savory reminder that nothing is quite as it seems.
Get the recipe: Frozen Bacon in Air Fryer
Fries
Golden, crispy, and liberally seasoned with suspicion, fries provide the perfect accompaniment to any good end of the world meal. Dipped in a tangy sauce concocted from equal parts defiance and distrust, they serve as a crunchy rebellion against the status quo.
Get the recipe: Air Fryer Frozen French Fries
Those are the 10 foods I'd choose if I thought the end was looming- what would you add?
Hello! I'm Summer, a registered dietitian and home chef who loves to cook, eat, and create high quality content for you! Every recipe on this site has been tested by me to help ensure your success in the kitchen. All eaters are welcome here 🙂
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